A Christmas Proposal
by xonceinadream
Summary: Emma doesn't realize that she's proposing until the words are out of her mouth. And when he answers, she realizes exactly how much it matters.


**Written for adventchallenge on livejournal.**

* * *

It's still so touchy with them sometimes. They fight often, the way that they never did when they were teenagers. Things are real now. They're older and they're working and they're parents and it's not like it was then. Emma's getting to know her parents and Neal is trying to get re-acquainted with his father and avoid Killian's wish to get to know him. It's hard to really be with each other when there's so much else going on.

But it's worth it. That's what Emma thinks as she looks at Neal, sitting on the couch as they look at the twinkling lights on the Christmas tree. Henry is at Regina's, opening presents like he has every other Christmas Eve. They didn't argue when Regina had stiffly said they could have him on Christmas day because they're all working together to try to make this as easy as possible. They've invited family over and a dinner is planned for the afternoon.

"We never celebrated Christmas when I was young," Neal says and Emma turns to him, curling a leg underneath herself. They don't often talk about their childhood like this. When they do it's normally intertwined underneath covers, both of them only really able to admit to certain weaknesses when they're alone in the dark like that. "It was normally for people with more money than us. My parents would give me little things, extra soup for the night or a sword carved from wood or something."

Emma nods, recalling Christmases of her own childhood. She remembers a particularly horrible one, the only foster family that had ever been physically abusive towards her. She'd sat in the corner with the other foster children, freezing in too little clothes and watching as the parent's biological children opened their Christmas presents. Even when she received presents from other families, they were rarely anything special. A Barbie that was obviously grabbed at the last second, a tea set that was chipped already, garbage.

"I was never a Christmas person myself," Emma responds, her hand tightening on her knee as she looks at the presents that her and Neal had spent a lot of time choosing carefully for Henry. He's a boy with way too many family members and he doesn't need much so they're all chosen with care.

Anybody else might've asked, might not've known exactly what Emma was thinking or feeling but Neal does. He glances over at her, reaching and taking her hand in his, tangling their fingers. Emma holds on tight because sometimes it feels like Neal is all that steadies her nowadays. There's been so much upheaval in her life, ever since her son walked back into it, and she's glad that Neal is here now.

They sit in silence for a while, both of them sipping on hot chocolate because they're feeling a little cliché and not letting go of each other's hands. "We should get married."

Neal looks up sharply, surprise evident on his features and Emma freezes as she realizes that she's been thinking for the past nearly hour and she probably shouldn't have said that out loud. Neal carefully extracts his hand from hers, turning so that they're facing each other again. "Okay?"

"Well… Okay… I'm sorry. I've been thinking and… I kind of want to spend the rest of my life with you?"

Clearing his throat, Neal's lips twitch and she wants to be offended by his amusement but she can't bring herself to be. He's not telling her that he doesn't say the same or anything so honestly, it's going better than she could've expected. "Did you just propose to me, Emma Swan?"

The way that Neal says it sounds kind of ridiculous, almost mocking but warm at the same time. "Maybe I did. I don't even have a ring for you," Emma says and her voice is teasing although she sounds a bit choked.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you too."

It takes Emma an almost embarrassing length of time before she realizes that he's looking at her with the kind of soft look in his eyes that she only sees irregularly. It's the look that he has when he tells her how much he loves her, when he holds her tight after one of their ridiculous adventures that she just wishes would be over by now. He's answering. She proposed and he just answered and her face breaks out into a smile. "Is that a yes?"

"That's a yes," Neal barely has time to say before Emma's setting her mug down hard enough that cocoa spills over the side but she doesn't care as she throws herself into his arms. He's warm and comfortable and it relaxes her. She closes her eyes, burying her face in his neck and lets herself be held by him. He's the only one that she lets herself let go in front of. "Let's get married."

The word makes her tense for a moment because yes, she had said it but it had just come out of her mouth. Now she thinks about it. They'll live together. They'll wake up every morning and go to bed together every night. It's what she had wanted when she was younger. Before she'd even turned 18, she'd wanted to be with him in this way but now it's less of a fairy tale. There are fairy tale characters and even they don't get the fairy tale life. There are no happily ever afters.

But she doesn't need a happily ever after and that's what she was thinking when she had said they should get married. They fight a lot. They disagree and they yell at each other and they both have their problems still. But it's okay. It's enough. Emma still greets him with a kiss every time she sees him. She wants that. She wants the good things but she wants the fights too. She wants to marry this man, good and bad.

"Having second thoughts?" Neal asks and he doesn't sound upset or even disappointed. She knows that even if she said that she was then it would be okay.

She shakes her head, though, because she's having thoughts but they're not that she doesn't want to get married. If she ever gets married, it should be to him, she knows. It should be to her first love, the father of her child, the man who has always been in her heart even when she's wanted to hate him. She loves him. "No second thoughts… Although, our family tree is messed up enough. Perhaps I should think about it."

Neal laughs, pulling her even closer in a hug and she leans up to kiss him. "I love you. And I can't wait to marry you, messed up family or not."

And that might be the most romantic thing he's ever said to her, she thinks with a smile.


End file.
